Just Stuff

We would have celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary today, December 1; and this has me feeling down, emotionally.

Hopefully, time will pass, and I'll be able to deal with this better. Today, theough, the emotions are still raw, and I feel the need to put some words on this page in honor of my wife.

We first met as undergraduates at KU, in 1970. Our meeting was by chance. Judy and I were enrolled in the same section of two classes, Introduction to Managerial Accounting, and Statistics. It was Statistics class where we met.

I was a bit late to lecture that day, and my usual spot "on the back row" of the lecture hall was taken. Looking for an empty seat, I found one about half-way towards the front, next to two female students in the class. Happy to find a seat before class started that was not in the front row, I settled in for the hour.

It so happened that day, our first hour exams were being returned after grading. The professor gave a range of grades for the exam, 99 the highest; 16 the lowest, with the great majority of us scoring under 70, and had his grad students begin returning the exams. Mine was received first; a 68. Not what I'd hoped, but better than I'd expected. Then, the young woman sitting next to me received hers, and her grade was a 99. So, I thought, someone that I needed to become acquainted with if I was to have success in the class. As you may have guessed by now, that someone was Judy.

After class, I invited her to have a beer, an invitation she accepted, it being Friday. So, we proceeded to the Wheel, ordered a beer and began to get acquainted. Time passed, and when it was time for the Wheel to close, we left, wondering how we had managed to spend over 8 hours talking with each other. That was the beginning of our relationship; and, it happily, for the most part, continued for some 38 years.

During the long conversation of that afternoon and evening, we learned we had much in common; so much, it was as if I was talking to someone I'd known all my life. And so it went on, during our time together; never a day passed without us finding something about which to talk at length, be it a class; the Air Force; our jobs, our children. This is what I'm missing most right now; the opportunity to have a conversation with her about things happening around us.

So it goes, as I struggle with the contemplation of my life going forward without my best friend to share the highs and the lows of my day. I'm finding that I see or hear something, and think to myself that's something I need to talk about with Judy, only to realize that isn't going to happen now, and to then fall into a funk. Sure, I can talk with our younger daughter, who is a tower of strength right now for me, but things that are or were important to Judy and me aren't always things that are important to her.

I think, having talked with my mother who has been widowed some 34 years, this will continue for a while, and it will eventually get "better". I just wish the "better" could happen now.